


Too Late

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, Episode: s03e23 Hiatus Part I, Episode: s03e24 Hiatus Part II, Episode: s04e01 Shalom, Episode: s04e02 Escaped, Episode: s04e03 Singled Out, Episode: s04e04 Faking It, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-26
Updated: 2007-11-26
Packaged: 2019-03-02 05:46:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13311771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: Gibbs tries to get his life back after the events of Hiatus, but will Tony let him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

  
Author's notes: Not now, nor will they ever be mine  


* * *

Seeing Gibbs sitting at his old desk, settled in, brought back feelings Tony had carefully hidden through the case they’d just wrapped. He didn’t want to feel his stomach jumping in joy at realising the other man was back. He didn’t want to feel his heart lighten at the sight of the man he once loved so much… the man he still couldn’t help but love.

No! He didn’t love him anymore. He couldn’t. Gibbs had left him… them, twice. And both times without saying goodbye. The brief encounter when the man handed over his badge and gun didn’t count. Tony didn’t expect it, but he hoped had he meant a little more to the other man that he at least got a goodbye without the entire bullpen as a witness. The second time he didn’t even get a chance to see him, in public or otherwise, after hearing from McGee Gibbs had once more left for Mexico. And then hearing from Fornell and the Director that Gibbs had put his house up for sale? No, couldn’t love him anymore. 

But his damned heart.

He tried to sound happy when he welcomed Gibbs back, tried to joke about his desk and the benefits about having a bigger one, but his smile never reached his eyes, his jokes were forced and he couldn’t muster being even close to his usual up-beat self. He tried to hide it from everyone, but from the pained expressions he occasionally received from Gibbs… he should really practice his poker face.

For the rest of the day he avoided Gibbs with an ease that surprised both men. Made sure he was never alone with his boss, went down to Abby’s lab more times than he could count. He was half expecting to be torn a new one every time he got back upstairs, but Gibbs never so much as said a word. 

Time never went as slow as that day and when Gibbs called it, he was the first in the elevator, wanting to put as much space between them as possible.

Being at home didn’t improve his situation much though. Suddenly everything reminded him again of Gibbs. He’d spent weeks trying to suppress that feeling, desperately wanting for it to go away. He’d finally succeeded and last week was the first time he’d actually had a full night’s sleep without waking up in the middle of the night from a memory of Gibbs. Now that feeling was back, tenfold. 

There was only one thing that could make those thoughts go away: as much alcohol as his stomach would allow. He’d have to go to work with a giant hang-over but he’d done it before. 

He was on his third scotch when he heard a familiar knock on his door. There was only one person in the world that could make a knock sound like an order. Tony debated whether or not to just let Gibbs stand there at his front door, but he knew the knocking would continue and the last thing he wanted were his neighbours coming out into the hall demanding what was going on. He really didn’t want to deal with anyone right now. He was already close to the edge.

So he opened the door.

He cursed his heart again for feeling happy to see the man he really didn’t want there. See those familiar ice blue eyes, hands that had touched every part of him, legs, arms and frame he knew like the back of his hand. 

“What’d you want?” His voice had every ounce of venom he could muster. And from the way he saw Gibbs wince, the other man had felt it.

Gibbs closed his eyes, head dropping forward a bit before picking himself up again. “Can I come in?”

Every fibre of his being told Tony to say no, close the door and walk away, but that treacherous part if him made him stand back to give the other man room to enter.

Gibbs stood still in the middle of his living room, his back to Tony.

“So, you back for good? Or should I be expecting you to be gone again tomorrow morning?” Tony had to wrap his hands around himself to keep from lashing out. 

Gibbs slowly turned, eyes to the floor. “Tony…”

“If you’re here to give me some lame ass explanation… I don’t want it. I don’t care.”

Gibbs swallowed down his initial response. “So that’s it? You’re not even gonna give me the chance to explain?”

It was taking everything Tony had to not walk away, to run like he always did. “You don’t have to give me any explanation. You’re back, I’m back to being your second. You expect me to not be late on Monday. I won’t.”

“Tony, I didn’t come here to…”

“You didn’t come here to what? To talk?” Tony snorted. “Then why did you come? To satisfy that unreachable itch? Fuck my brains out? See if it’s like you remembered? If you remember it at all.”

Tony saw Gibbs’ jaw flex and for a second he was convinced the other man was going to punch him in the face.

Instead he saw Gibbs forcibly take a deep breath. 

“I remembered it all when I left. I remembered every feeling, every touch, every second you and I spent together.”

“Still wasn’t enough to get you to stay.” Now besides the barely contained urge to hit Gibbs, Tony had to fight to keep himself from not falling to pieces. He hated that his voice sounded so shaken. He didn’t want Gibbs to know how much he was hurting.

“I’m here now.”

That sentence drew all the energy Tony had. “You should’ve been here then, but you ran.” He suddenly felt more tired than he’d been in a very long time. “Go home Gibbs. Whatever you came here to find, it’s too late. You had your chance.” Without looking back, Tony walked to his bedroom and closed the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

The soft, barely heard click of Tony’s bedroom door was one of the most deafening sounds Gibbs had ever heard. The finality of it struck him like a blow to the stomach. 

He’d expected this. He’d prayed, hoped, asked whoever was listening up there that Tony would just fly into his arms, happy to see him again, but he’d expected this. He’d seen it in Tony’s reaction when the team came into the bullpen that morning. There was shock on each and every face, but on Tony’s there had been a deep-rooted hurt mixed in. Eyes that had turned dark in the second it took for Tony to realise Gibbs was back, and for good. 

And Tony’s actions through-out that day spoke even louder than that first moment. Every time he wanted a second alone with the Tony, the other man had conveniently found a way to work around it. For some reason Gibbs had the impression that McGee and Ziva were sticking to Tony like glue. Almost never did he see Tony without either the one or the other.

Did they know?

The times that Tony was alone for a second, Tony’d rushed out to Abby’s lab. Gibbs was sure those two had often hung out while he was gone, even more than the usual Saturday night clubbing. The topic of dating was bound to come up. And Abby wouldn’t stop until she knew all there was to know about whom Tony was really dating. Just like Gibbs, Abby had quickly seen through Tony’s womanizer façade. And Tony could never keep a secret from her. 

Yeah, Abby definitely knew. Ziva didn’t. That much Gibbs was absolutely certain of. The team had gotten a lot closer under Tony’s leadership, but Gibbs doubted Tony confided in Ziva on that deep a personal level. And it wasn’t like Ziva shared much about her life outside of work. The same went with McGee. Although a lot closer to Tony than Ziva, McGee wasn’t the sort of person Gibbs knew Tony felt comfortable with sharing his personal life.

By now it was obvious Tony was either waiting for Gibbs to leave before coming out of his bedroom, or the man had really gone to sleep. Either way, Gibbs wasn’t going to get anywhere tonight. For a second he thought about walking into the bedroom, demanding that Tony talk to him, but he dismissed that idea out-of-hand. Tony would probably kick him for all he was worth and then Gibbs would be even further away from what he wanted.

And what he wanted was to get Tony back. What he needed was to get him back.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony just made it to his bed before collapsing. 

He did what he had to do. That much he knew for sure. I needed to tell Gibbs how I felt, Tony thought, needed the other man to realise that Tony wouldn’t trust him, not this time. Gibbs hadn’t trusted him then. He’d left, twice, without any real goodbye. So now it was time for Tony to be hard. 

Gibbs might be back at the office, but Tony refused to let him back in his bed. Gibbs had lost that right. He’d lost that right the minute he’d stepped on a plane instead of going to Tony. And Tony would be damned if Gibbs crawling back like he had tonight would fix everything just like that.

But then why didn’t he want anything other than that? Why did he just want to call Gibbs back? Bury himself in those strong arms that had held him, be surrounded by everything that was Gibbs and a touch of sawdust? 

But Gibbs had left!

Tony had broken up with a lot of people in his day, both men and women, the one easier than the other. But he’d always managed to pull through the initial pain of it and move on fairly quickly. This was the first time he thought he might actually break. 

God, he loved him. He loved that man so much. He didn’t want to. Tried so hard to get over it. He really thought he had, but all it took was one second of hearing Gibbs’ voice and all the resolve he had had been as easily blown away as a house of cards. One glance into Gibbs’ eyes and he’d wanted to cling to him for all he had. It had taken all of his self-control to stay away from Gibbs that day, to avoid him at all costs. It might have seemed easy, but by the end of the day, Tony had been ready to scream. 

He wanted Gibbs back. Wanted them to be like before this whole mess had started. Wanted the whole fucking mess to have never happened!

But it had happened.

Gibbs got blown up, lost his memory and got so screwed up he felt he had to move to the middle of nowhere, without friends, without the job, without Tony.

He’d been grateful that both McGee and Ziva had picked up something about his behaviour towards Gibbs. Normally, Tony was good at keeping his emotions locked away from outsiders, but he must have clearly been so unhinged that even McGee noticed it. They’d tried to make sure that most of the time someone accompanied Tony. They didn’t always succeed, as going against a direct order from Gibbs wouldn’t do anyone any good, but whenever they could, they subtly supported him. 

Tony doubted either one knew about him and Gibbs. They’d probably think Tony was so off his game because he was back to second-in-command and was just sour that he couldn’t be boss anymore. He didn’t mind them supporting him for the wrong reasons, and was grateful for it none-the-less. It at least showed him that they did care to some extent.

The only one Tony confided in at the office was Abby. She was the only one who knew for sure that there was something more between the two men. And that was only after Gibbs had left for Mexico. She’d suspected of course, suspected a hell of a lot more than she let anyone believe, but she didn’t know for sure until she found Tony at a club, trying to drink his weight in alcohol.

That night, Tony had hit rock bottom. Abby had taken him home and he’d spend the night on her couch… well two nights on her couch. It had taken a lot of persuasion and even more booze for Tony to finally come clean with why he’d been so depressed lately. Tony felt so relieved that he could finally tell someone, vent his emotions. Abby had gotten him through that dark period. She’d helped him get back on his feet. And he’d turned to her whenever he was about to break.


	4. Chapter 4

Abby wanted to hit Gibbs. She wanted to scream at him for being an ass. 

Of course she was more than happy that Gibbs was back. She’d missed him a lot, but she was also more than pissed. And not just for Gibbs running to Mexico instead of being the tough-ass marine he kept claiming to be. She was mad for what Gibbs was doing to Tony. What he’d done to Tony. 

Tony was her friend and she’d spent weeks trying to get him out of his dark world, but it only took one look, one command and Tony was back spending half of his time in her lab, desperately trying not to fall apart. 

She didn’t see Gibbs a lot that day. Didn’t really want to either. She had no idea what would happen if Gibbs came strolling in her lab, a Caff-Pow in one hand, coffee in the other and pretend everything was just fine. Act like nothing had happened. She thought she would hit him where he stood.

She’d been hurt when he left the first time. Hurt and pissed when he’d left the second time, without even waiting to say goodbye to Tony. She knew those two loved each other. Knew, well hoped, that everything would work out, that they would get into their routine. And in order for that to happen, she needed to make sure Gibbs couldn’t leave. She’d called security to demand they keep Gibbs at NCIS, but they wouldn’t listen to her. So she had acted on impulse and cuffed herself to Gibbs. Gibbs could rant, yell and demand that she’d let him go, but he’d still be cuffed to her with no way of getting out. 

At the end, she didn’t know how she’d actually succeeded in getting him to stay, if she had anything to do with it at all, but he stayed. She was as shocked as anyone to find him sitting at his desk, all the others’ stuff moved to their old desks and poor Agent Lee standing there, without any desk at all. But she was glad to see him there, in his suit. Even the ridiculous moustache he was wearing couldn’t defuse her joy that he was back. 

Her joy lasted until she saw the look in Tony’s eyes as he realised what this really meant. Gibbs was back. So, so were the feelings, the hurt and anger he’d worked so hard to get over. 

She knew Gibbs was going to have to do a hell of a lot of grovelling to get the other man to even consider taking him back.


	5. Chapter 5

Reluctantly Gibbs turned his eyes away from Tony’s bedroom door and left the apartment. He needed to figure some things out. Needed to find a way to make clear to Tony that he’d had to leave then. That he remembered their time before he left. That it nearly broke his heart to turn away from everything he knew and loved. But he had to leave. It was killing him to stay. 

But it killed him even more to leave. 

He didn’t regret his hiatus in Mexico. He had a good time, shared war stories with Mike about their time at NCIS, and avoided the reasons they left. Gibbs had a blast watching Mike’s failing attempts at trying to get the local girls to sleep with him. He smiled just thinking about it. 

He didn’t participate though; he couldn’t. There were offers, lots of them even, from various stages of pretty girls and a lot of the times he felt really tempted but he always politely declined. Mike thought him nuts for refusing. Gibbs couldn’t tell him the real reason he wouldn’t sleep with them. He had no idea how Mike would react to the fact that Gibbs had fallen in love with his second-in-command. The gender of said second notwithstanding, rule number twelve had been Mike’s rule seven. Mike would probably head slap him so hard it’d make him see stars. 

But then again, maybe he deserved the head slap. 

If he’d never started anything with Tony… they’d both be as miserable as they were now, only for different reasons. But then, maybe, he’d still had Tony talking to him. Still had the other man as a friend. Because from what he just seen in Tony’s eyes, he’d burned that bridge. 

Sure, Tony would still talk to him now; he was Tony’s boss after all. They had to talk… about the case. Any serious conversation between the two of them, any real personal conversation, was out of the question. He’d be lucky if Tony even looked at him. 

There wouldn’t be any more head slaps. They both knew they weren’t just Gibbs drawing Tony’s attention to something. It was the only physical contact they could allow themselves on the job. Of course he’d given McGee and Ziva head slaps too; Tony wasn’t the only one in the team who needed the reminder, but with the two other agents that’s all the head slaps were, a reminder to pay attention. With Tony it became something personal, something Gibbs did to let the other man know how much he cared.

And now those head slaps would just be both awkward and painful.

If he and Tony didn’t…

No!

They weren’t over yet. And Gibbs was damned if he’d just throw in the towel like that. He was going to get him back. He was going to find a way. He always did. 

By now Gibbs had been sitting in his car for over half an hour, depressing himself with the what-ifs of them not being in a relationship. 

Thinking about the negatives never really helped anyone. And sitting in your car all night like a stalker, freezing your ass off didn’t either. So he started the car and drove home. He knew just the thing to get him mind clear: Scotch and his boat. He always did his best thinking down there.


	6. Chapter 6

After a week of silence, distance and Tony’s utter professionalism, Gibbs was about ready to either demand that Tony talk to him, or give up and try to forget about the two of them.

Only, he couldn’t forget. Even if he tried, even while working on his boat, Gibbs couldn’t ignore the tightening of his heart every time he saw something that reminded him of Tony, which lately, turned out to be everything he saw. The stairs brought him back to when Tony would sit there reading the paper, watching TV, or simply observing Gibbs while he was working on his boat. Even the boat reminded him of what he missed so much. And Tony had never even really touched it, except the occasional caress to feel its smoothness. Gibbs had asked if Tony wanted to help with the boat, but the young man had declined. He felt that the boat was Gibbs’ privately. His own little world, where he could spend his time in solitude.

Gibbs smiled. Tony respected him that much, trusted him that much to give him space. Space both men needed.

Tony had trusted him. And what had he done in return? Shut everyone out and ran. Tony had trusted him, relied on him, but Gibbs didn’t even think about returning that trust. He wasn’t really thinking anything then, but he knew. He didn’t remember everything when he moved to Mexico, but he remembered Tony. And it freaked him out then. Freaked him out so much he felt he had to run. He’d just gotten over the fact that his wife and daughter didn’t die just months before and then to remember he had a relationship with his second-in-command, his very male second-in-command…he freaked.

It wasn’t until he’d spend a few weeks in absolute solitude that he began processing everything. He had loved Shannon, loved her still. What he felt for Tony… it equaled that in every way, maybe even more.

But by then Gibbs was afraid. Afraid of what he’d left, but even more so of what he would find once he was back. So he stayed away. Stayed in Mexico and kept his distance. He knew he was only making matters worse, but he couldn’t face home, not then. 

And then Ziva called and begged for his help. Gibbs was this close to refusing, telling her he couldn’t, but in the end, he would do everything for the people he called family. And to him, Ziva was family.

So he came back, temporarily. Told himself he would leave as soon as the case was solved and Ziva no longer a fugitive. He had hoped to be casual and prayed Tony wouldn’t deck him in the middle of the bullpen the minute he saw Gibbs. 

He succeeded. He helped Ziva and got going as soon as possible, not even saying good-bye. He knew deep down that that was even worse than getting yelled at, but he couldn’t deal with it.

But then Tobias asked his help and even though Gibbs found the other man to be a rat-bastard, he was a friend, an old friend. He’d known Tobias almost as long as he’d known Ducky. He couldn’t refuse. 

So he stayed, again. Faced NCIS, again. But now it had been a lot harder to be there. He had been ready to move to Mexico permanently, stay away and let the others get on with their lives. But as hard it was to be there, it turned out even harder to go, literally. Abby even went as far as to cuff herself to him, refusing to let him go unless he promised to stay. He knew she was angry, more than angry. Abby had never been good at hiding her emotions from him. A pissed Abby was something to look out for. An angry Abby was something to be feared, even by Gibbs. Her cuffing him and bristly responses were more than enough of a clue to tell Gibbs she was very upset about him leaving her and NCIS. 

Afterwards he did try to leave, but couldn’t. He missed them all too much and his sense of action and justice wouldn’t allow him to turn his back again. He knew that if he’d left then, there’d be no going back, ever. They would never forgive him; Tony would never forgive him

So here he was, as far as he’d been that first night, when he’d gone to Tony’s apartment: nowhere. He had absolutely no idea how to undo what had happened, no idea how to fix the mess he’d caused, the damage he’d done. He wanted things to go back to the way they were before this whole mess had started. 

If they could ever be that way again.

He needed to talk to Tony again. Needed to try and convince the other man that Gibbs wanted nothing more than to be given another chance, to have Tony back, no matter what he had to do to get it. 

And he needed to do it now.


	7. Chapter 7

Tony had just gotten out of the shower when he heard a very distinct knock on his front door. He didn’t need to see to know who it was. There was only one person who knocked like that. 

He quickly wrapped a towel around his waist and headed to the door. He didn’t bother to put on anything more. The person at his door had seen it all anyway.

“Hey Abs,” he welcomed, before moving aside to let her in.

“Ooh, nice!” She openly looked him over from top to bottom, appreciating Tony’s well-defined muscles and hotter than cute rumpled hair.

“Something I can help you with Abs?” He was tired, grumpy and just wanted to crawl into his bed and wallow in self-pity, again. 

Today had been another hard day. This whole week had been hard - Gibbs being back, Tony doing everything he could to keep up the professional façade, instead of falling apart whenever he got within thirty feet of Gibbs. Their heavy caseload hadn’t helped either, causing them to be stuck at the office from very early in the morning to extremely late in the night. Thank God it was Friday and he had the whole two days to recuperate. If they would get a case now, Tony would be sure God must hate him.

“Wanted to see if you were okay. It’s been a hard week.”

He sighed. “Abs, I’m fine, really,” he lied.

“No you’re not. Come on Tony, don’t shut me out now.”

Tony dropped his head. “Fine, but can I then at least put some clothes on first? I don’t really wanna get plastered in nothing but a towel.”

That earned him one of those cheeky Abby grins. “Well, if you really have to. But don’t change on my account.”

“Cute,” he called out, on his way to his bedroom.

Abby took the good stuff out of Tony’s living room cabinet and made herself comfortable on the couch. 

She was here to talk to Tony, but what Tony didn’t know was that she’d come here to try and make him talk to Gibbs again. She didn’t know how well he would take it, and was sure she wouldn’t have made it past his front door if he did.

But damn, this had been going on for a week! She’d watched both men trying to be casual, but the longer the week progressed, she also saw the slipping up, their emotions coming to the surface. They’d both been a lot more jumpy than usual, Gibbs getting pissed at everything and anyone. Everyone saw an invisible wall slowly growing between both men. And for two people who depended on each other in the field... that could be dangerous. 

They had to figure something out before they wouldn’t be able to control themselves. Abby knew both Gibbs and Tony were capable of utmost professionalism if they wanted, but they were only human. And human beings had limits. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if either, or worse both, men were to be pushed beyond those limits. Gibbs would be told to retire. Tony would lose his job and probably his credibility. Sleeping with your boss wasn’t exactly a good reference for job applications. And although NCIS wasn’t technically a military operation, it was close enough to it for same sex couples to be frowned upon. And then both men would be gone. Tony would take a job as far away from NCIS as possible and Gibbs would move to Mexico for good. They would probably never see him again.

Something had to be settled. And if they wouldn’t take the first step, she would.

Tony came back. Abby was mildly disappointed he was fully dressed in jeans and sweater.

“I see you’ve made yourself comfortable,” he noted dryly.

“Don’t I always?”

He sat on the other end of the couch, knees drawn up, making Tony’s lean form smaller than anyone would think possible.

He so wasn’t fine, Abby thought.

He took the bottle of scotch from her and both sat in silence, in turn taking sips from the amber liquid. Abby was waiting for Tony to start talking. Tony refused to.

After fifteen minutes, she gave up. “Tony, this is killing you.”

His head quickly shot up. If she hadn’t known him that well, Abby would be scared of the look she saw in his eyes.

“I’m doing fine.”

“How long? How long until either of you stop being able to keep this up? You think you’re hiding it. Gibbs thinks he’s hiding it, but you’re both slipping up. McGee and Ziva are noticing it too.”

A panicked look crossed his face.

“No, they don’t know anything, but McGee has asked if I have noticed something different about the two of you.”

Tony slumped even further in the couch, staring at his knees. “Abby, I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” she pushed. “Can’t talk to him? Can’t listen to what he has to say? You do so every day at the office.”

“You know that’s different.” He looked up. “He left, Abby. He ran. Twice! How am I supposed to forget that?”

He was right, of course.

“He loves you, Tony.”

“Then why did he just leave like that? Why did he feel he had to run instead of opening his fucking mouth, talk to me? He said he remembered before he left, that he remembered everything about us. Then why the hell did he run?”

Tony’s voice had risen the more he started baring his soul.

“Have you asked him that? Have you even let him try and explain?”

“Have you seen him trying to fix this?”

“Did you give him a chance?”

Tony was saved from answering by another, but this time firm, knock on his door.

When he opened it, his breath caught, his heart froze and his body stiffened.


	8. Chapter 8

Gibbs felt more nervous than he’d been in a very long time while driving to Tony’s apartment. He had no idea what he was going to say, given of course that he got past Tony’s front door, which would be a huge accomplishment in itself.

All he knew was that he had to try it now. He had the feeling that if he waited much longer, he’d be too late. Gibbs had ruined three marriages waiting too long. He was damned if he was going to fuck up this relationship… more than he already had.

He had to see Tony tonight. No matter how long he had to wait in front of Tony’s door, he was going to talk to him.

He waited for five minutes in Tony’s parking lot before finally getting the courage to get out of his car and take the elevator to Tony’s floor. He cursed himself several times for almost chickening out. He was a marine, damn it! He’d served in the Gulf, faced and done things few people could even imagine. He could handle this. He still couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was riding on this.

Standing in front of Tony’s apartment door, Gibbs breathed in deeply. He’d made it this far. But turned out, raising his arm to knock was a far greater challenge than he’d anticipated and it took several tries and as many failures for Gibbs to suck it up and firmly knock on the door.

As Tony opened the door, Gibbs’s breath caught in his throat. Tony looked absolutely breathtaking and Gibbs’s fingers ached to touch that what he once had an unlimited access to. The spell was broken however by what he saw in Tony’s eyes: complete and utter shock. Tony looked like he’d seen a ghost, like Gibbs would be the last person to ever appear on his door, that he would never see him outside of the office again. 

Gibbs quickly pushed down his own fears. He was here. Tony was home, and most importantly, hadn’t thrown the door shut in his face… yet. 

“Gibbs…” he whispered.

Gibbs’ heart tightened when Tony’s shock was quickly replaced by the hurt and closed-off look Gibbs had been receiving for the better part of this week. 

He was not going to be fazed by this!

“Can I talk to you?”

“I have company…”

Behind them Abby got off the couch and headed to the door, beaming.

“Gibbs! Tony and I were just talking about you.” She easily ignored Tony’s warning glare. “Come in.”

Tony tried to protest. “Abby, I don’t…”

“Tony, this is gonna end! Either way. Now come on.” She motioned for Gibbs to come in, but the man firmly stayed put, not wanting to push his boundaries. Both he and Abby expectantly looked at Tony, who after several long moments sighed and moved aside to let Gibbs in.

Gibbs’ heart nearly jumped in joy for getting this far.

Now, at least he knew for sure that Abby knew about the two of them. He pushed back an involuntary streak of jealousy. Abby and Tony were just friends. It was normal that she would be the person he’d go to for comfort. How far that comfort went, Gibbs didn’t want to know. He didn’t have the right to assume or judge what they might have done in his absence. 

All three stood in Tony’s living room, both Gibbs and Tony looking everywhere but at each other, Abby looking frustratedly at both of them.

“Maybe I should start,” she began.

Gibbs looked up. “Abby, can I talk to Tony in private, please?”

No matter how much Tony had confided in the girl and no matter how much Gibbs loved her, he needed this conversation to be in private. He couldn’t say what he needed to with her in the room.

Abby looked at both of them, Tony staring at a spot on the floor, Gibbs staring back at her. She must have seen something in his eyes, because she smiled reassuringly and nodded.

“Are you two gonna play nice?”

Gibbs nodded vehemently. “We’ll be fine Abs, one way or the other.”

She looked at Tony.

It took a little longer for him to respond, but then he finally looked up. “It’s okay, Abby. You need me to call you a cab? I don’t want you driving right now.”

“Nah, its cool,” she shook her head. “I took a cab here. I’ll call one on my way down.”

She gathered her stuff and put her coat on. “You two sure you’re going to be okay?” She wanted them to talk, but wasn’t entirely sure how it would go.

“Night, Abby.” Abby noted that Tony at least sounded more confident than he’d been half an hour ago.

She kissed each man on the cheek and whispered in Gibbs’ ear, “Don’t give up.”

She was rewarded with a grateful smile “I won’t. Good night.”


	9. Chapter 9

Abby’s departure was followed by a moment of very uncomfortable silence. Gibbs bit his lower lip, a very uncharacteristic nervous action for the former marine.  
Tony tried to be cool, but the longer he watched Gibbs’s efforts to try and figure out how to start, the more his resolve fell. This was the first time in a week, longer if you didn’t count that first dramatic night, that they were in a room alone together; the first time neither Abby nor McGee nor Ziva was there to keep his mind from Gibbs.

But now, seeing him, made him realise how much the older man’s presence made him feel. It was a feeling he’d carefully repressed for months, but now, everything came back.

Gibbs sighed. They were getting nowhere, especially if he kept avoiding Tony’s eyes, and looking at everything except the man standing in front of him. Breathing in deeply, he straightened up and focused his gaze on Tony.

“Tony, I am sorry.”

Tony sighed. “Do you even know what you’re sorry about?” He couldn’t keep the exasperation out of his voice. 

“I’m sorry I ran. I didn’t come to you.”

He was more than pleased to note a flicker of hope in Tony’s eyes. This meant that he was at least on the right track.

He continued before Tony could say anything. “I ran because I was scared.” He paused, hoping this would come out right. “I didn’t come to you because you were what I was scared of.”

Seeing Tony’s hurt look intensify, Gibbs realised it hadn’t come out right.

“So I was the reason you left.” It wasn’t a question, just an observation. Did Tony really think that?

“No!” Gibbs reassured. He resisted the urge to take a step closer. Now wasn’t the time yet. “I was scared of what I felt for you. I’d never thought I’d feel about someone the way I feel about you, the way I felt about Shannon. I was even more freaked to realise that this could actually top my feelings for Shannon. It scared the hell out of me.”

Gibbs was glad to see Tony’s posture relax a bit. He still looked hurt, but Gibbs saw there was hope.

“I thought you said you sucked at expressing your feelings verbally?”

“I’ve had a week to think about this, Tony. Believe me, I’ve practised.” More than he cared to imagine. He’d never made this much effort with all of his ex-wives.

While, still being extremely hurt, Tony felt a streak of warmth go through him. He felt relieved that Gibbs had thought about this all this time, thought about him. He knew about Gibbs’ ex-wives, and Gibbs’ lack of opening up to them. 

“I’ve been going nuts. Ever since you left… if it hadn’t been for Abby…” Tony sounded so fragile.

Again that streak of jealousy ran through him. How close had they gotten?

Tony gave him a hard look. Had Gibbs said that out loud? He dropped his eyes. He had no right to assume anything, or lay claim on Tony, not anymore.

“No, you don’t.”

Damn, he’d said that out loud too. Gibbs had a sudden insight in how Tony must have felt after being caught saying something he really shouldn’t have. Gibbs half expected a head slap.

“You don’t get to criticise me or Abby for comforting each other. You were the one who left, remember?” Gibbs hated that hard voice. It was how Tony sounded while interrogating suspects. 

“I know.” He was still staring at the floor.

“And no, Abby and I didn’t sleep together.”

Gibbs couldn’t help but feel relieved. He had no idea how he would react if Tony and Abby had slept together. He didn’t know how he could ever look either of them in the eye again.

“You didn’t say goodbye.” It was barely a whisper, but Gibbs heard it. And it nearly broke his heart.

“I didn’t know how to.”

“Bullshit Gibbs!”

“What was I supposed to say?”

“Anything!” Tony’s anger was quickly reaching the surface. “You could’ve said you needed some time alone, get some perspective on things, but you didn’t even try. You ran! Twice!”

Gibbs could hit himself. He could have said that. Tony would have let him go, would have understood, and would have trusted him. So why didn’t he?

“I wasn’t thinking when I left.”

Tony snorted. “No, really?”

Gibbs hated it when Tony used sarcasm.

“Tony, if I could undo…”

“Don’t Gibbs. Don’t give me that bull.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Gibbs was getting desperate, which made him angry too. He thought he was making progress.

“Tell me what I should do! I know I fucked up! I already apologised for that. I had fucking amnesia, Tony! How well did you expect me to be thinking then? I know I shouldn’t have shut everything out. I know I should’ve opened up. But how the hell was I supposed to come to you when I’d just realised how much I loved you!”

Gibbs’ yelling left him breathless. He knew yelling wasn’t really helping his cause, but he’d reached his limit. And it felt good to finally tell Tony what he’d been suppressing this entire week… these two months. Gibbs hadn’t realised how much he’d come to rely on his private moments with Tony, talking at night, curled around each other, absentmindedly watching TV. Tony had been the only one who could get him to open up, vent his frustrations. 

How could he have given that up? 

Suddenly all the energy drained out of him. “I need you, Tony.”

Tony’s heart tightened. Never had he heard Gibbs this vulnerable.

“I know it took me a long time to get my head screwed on right, but… I need you.” Gibbs looked at Tony, hoping the other man saw the desperation he was feeling. Gibbs was giving everything he got, completely opening up to him. If Tony turned him away now, Gibbs would never recover from this.

And Tony knew that too.

“You can’t…” he tried, but was cut off.

“I will never voluntarily leave you. Ever again.” It was the best promise he could make. They had no reassurance in their line of work.

Tony sighed. “Damn it, Gibbs, why do I love you so much?”

Gibbs wanted to step closer, bury himself into his lover’s arms, but Tony held up his hands. 

“I can’t forgive you, not yet, not after everything… it still hurts too much.”

Gibbs shook his head fervently. “I’m not expecting you to. I know I crossed lines that I should never have crossed… that I should have trusted you. I’ll take whatever you decide to give me.”

Tony looked at Gibbs as if deciding something, before he sighed, shook his head and stepped up to Gibbs wrapping his arms around the other man. 

“God, I missed you so much.” He heard Gibbs whispering against his neck.

Gibbs revelled in the familiar feeling of Tony’s breath washing over his skin as the other man replied, “Me too.” He’d missed this so much. He felt his body finally relaxing, the tension and frustration flowing out of him as he clung to Tony’s lean and warm frame. They weren’t fine, not yet. And it was going to take a while before they’d be back to normal. But at least they didn’t have to try and get over it on their own.


End file.
